The Power of Embracing Discomfort: How Surrendering Control Helps You Grow Resilience

How can you learn, grow and reap the benefits of embracing the discomfort and surrendering control?

I know this is a long one, but i encourage you to take the 5 mins to read what I wrote. 

I wanted to share a bit about my week and how I’ve been applying the very principles I teach and model in my coaching at Live Your Wellness. It’s been a week of growth, challenges, and deepened faith—one that reminded me how important it is to embrace discomfort, surrender control, increase our capacity for stress and cultivate resilience.

Can I be real with you? Even with my skill set, knowledge of what the brain does during moments of stress and a deep list of tools and strategies, it was challenging and I caught myself in an old pattern of what if, anxiety and fear! 

On Monday of this week, two days before school was scheduled to start, I took my kids down to their assigned school to locate what teacher they were assigned too. I found myself in a confused state when I didn't see my daughter's name. As I entered the front office to speak with the clerk and share my problem, she quickly noted that my daughter wasn't located in the system and in fact wasn't enrolled! In that moment I had a flood of thoughts, feelings and emotions. I felt my body tighten in and around my stomach and chest and my facial and neck muscles tighten. 

"WHAT? " I said! "That has to be a mistake. I enrolled her both online in mid February and in person with a hard copy in early April when I was undergoing an IEP meeting for her to obtain speech therapy. " I was met with resistance "Well" she said, " I don't know what happened, just re-apply and submit and she will likely not start school until Friday or next Monday! " She was caught up in the last minute enrollments, transfers and was evidently stressed with applications.

 I quickly went from calm, assertive and complacent, now to a heightened state of thoughts (this is the worst, my daughter must start school on Wednesday to experience her first day of Kindergarten with everyone else, to WTF is wrong with the distract, they completely  dropped the ball) and noticed the shift in my thoughts, which created heightened emotions which flooded my body with sensations of anger, fear and anxiety! 

After I thought what was all needed I was then hit with another barrier! The Nurse shared she had an important missing element, a form required for formal admission. Apparently she didn't have the county TB Risk Assessment Form included in her application! I quickly reacted "her doctor has a statement on the medical authorization to enter school stating she has no risk factors and no test needed!" "Cant you use that? I'll get the form later to submit!" I was met with "no, we need that signed form to enroll her!"

Ok you guys, by now I am at my limit of remaining calm and taking action to solve the problem. I am in a full state of "this is the worst thing ever"  my brain, my body are in a full "fight mode" as my nervous system is beginning to react and rev up! My feelings, body sensations and emotions took ahold where I wasn't able to think as clearly and became much more emotional and reactive. Here I was now at 1:45pm, driving to the local Kaiser Clinic to see if I could get a signature so my daughter could be enrolled and assigned a teacher. 

I was met with more resistance and no immediate help to my problem. I attempted to message the doctor while on campus and walked around the medical offices to see his exact suite number, with on success. I was given a paper to call or email for assistance. I did what was required and the lady on he phone told m it would take 3-5 business days for her physician to sign this form!

At that point, I felt defeated, knowing I was met with barrier after barrier and my daughter likely wouldn't be able to start school. I had to surrender, let go of the control and be ok with the outcomes. 

When I began to question the circumstances and my immediate thoughts I knew It wasn't the end of the world if she didn't start with everyone else. At least I had to tell myself this! My head and brain were coming to agreement that she will eventually get enrolled and start school and it was ok! But my body was tight, full of emotional energy on the verge of bursting. 

WHAT DID I DO?  I gave myself permission to be seen, heard and to experience what I was feeling. (this is what I do when I coach my clients) I essentially provided space for for my body to release the emotional surge! I utilized my experience with somatic and nervous system regulation. 

Yelling- crying- and allowing myself to feel disappointed, frustrated and angry!

Noticing my body sensations and inviting them to flow rather than avoid or resist, but also not giving them power over me in the situation. 

I reached out to my resources for support! My sister, my mom and one of good friends heard me out! Each time I let the energy out, I felt more at ease and surrendered my control. My sister said "Christina, you are building resilience and your capacity to the unexpected things of life." She reminded me, "God's got this, its ok! I know you're upset and frustrated, but it will be ok"  I felt a sense of relief. 

I humbly and graciously accepted the circumstance, surrendered my control and was actively building my resilience! I prayed,  sang,  moved my body,  cried,  yelled and then I felt better!

 I allowed my mind and body to process the energy built up (nervous system regulation) and gave myself permission to reframe the circumstance and my immediate thoughts, (thought work and cognitive behavioral therapy) and allowed my body to release (somatic experience, breath work, mindfulness and anchoring) This all happened when I made the choice to accept my circumstance, ask for help and tapped into my known resources of interrupting nervous system loop patterns. 

I let go of the old loop pattern of keep it all together, you are strong, you dont cry, you  aren't weak, you don't need help, you can do hard things and get it done alone and invited myself to let go! I chose To let it be, to ask for help, to surrender and to be vulnerable with my experience 

When facing challenges, you get the chance to build your capacity and limits. Your choice in how you respond is what allows you to build your resilience. I did what I could without giving up and when met with more barriers i surrendered my control, challenged and reframed my thoughts and feelings and allowed space for my body to release the built up energy of emotions from the flood of neurotransmitters and hormones! 

My extended network of friends and colleagues helped me to get the signed form the following morning, where I then sent a calm, assertive and factual email to the principal requesting her packet to be processed immediately so she can start the following day! 

Guess what? She started Kinder and I witnessed her first day of kinder with excitement! 

As I navigate these experiences, I’m reminded of how closely they align with the coaching resources and practices I share with you. Whether it’s embracing discomfort, surrendering control, ditching perfection, releasing the exhaustive patterns of people pleasing or building resilience, these are more than just concepts—they’re tools for living a life of purpose and faith. I hope my experiences this week encourage you to reflect on how you can apply these principles in your own life.

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. Remember, you are never alone in your challenges—God is always with you, guiding you through every twist and turn.

If you ever want to chat more about these topics or anything else on your heart, don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m here for you!

With Love,

Christina, RN BSN

Empowerment and Transformative Life Coach

Live Your Wellness Coaching

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